where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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