So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
