my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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