the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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