Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
