i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
