Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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