OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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