I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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