There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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