Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
