I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
