you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
