maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
