he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
