So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
