she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
