Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
