and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
