Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
