Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
