please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
