No, drunk sperm still make babies.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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