I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
