I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
