Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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