Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
