You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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