u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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