That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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