he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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