i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
