Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
