Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
