Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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