I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am available for nakedness
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
