according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
