Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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