You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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