Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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