You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
