the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
