that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
