My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
