I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
