I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He shit in the fireplace
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
