then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
