okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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