Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
