OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
