I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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