didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
