they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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