Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
