Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
